Stanky Delicious

 

I know I’m not the best-smelling guy, but how much deodorant can people use? It’s finally time for me to buy some more antiperspirant. I had gotten some multi-pack long enough ago that my dog had chewed them up. I think I might have even thrown one away because it no longer turned. So maybe 3-4 years was when I bought it.

I’m sad to see that stink technology hasn’t advanced much in that time. The exact same products are the top sellers. Toothpaste seems to change every week. I’m now using laser charcoal cancer whitening with tea extract and inactive covid spores. Take that, plaque!

Cologne and antiperspirant seem to last forever. Again, this is coming from a very stinky guy. And I guess that’s one way to keep social distancing: put on so much cologne that it physically burns people to be <6 feet from you. I had on my mask a few weeks ago out with the dog (of course). And I was hit by this blast of perfume. A woman was half a block away and it hit me. That stuck in my head because it shows how hard it is to stop airborne contaminants. I was wearing a mask and it was no match for a woman's perfume saturation. Not only that, but she could infect me from across the street. BTW, not sure I ever mentioned it before, but the title Stank Delicious comes from a number of things. But there was an African American woman I worked with many years ago and she had called her kid, at one point, something like "Stanky Bootie." Which I thought was hilarious. We had ended up using that a lot and then referring to one another as Stank. "'Sup, Stank." "Hey, Stank." "What's Stankin'?" It was just the endless office weirdness that goes on to pass the time. But when I was reaching around for some combination of alien typos that was also funny, that was probably wedged in my subconscious.

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